MAY 1st, 2014
Director of MSstation™ Research
Today is one of those days. Do you get them? My husband and son are out at the dentist, so I am alone at home. They left before I woke up. Normally, I depend on them for food and coffee. I can’t reach the microwave from my wheelchair. It’s a huge limit for me. I can’t get into the fridge easily, and I certainly can’t stand at the counter and using a paring knife and a cutting board. I am hungry and I want my coffee so badly!
It’s not just that I am hooked on coffee. It’s a necessity. It will counter this thickheaded feeling and help the pain in my neck and head to ease. There’s a nerve in my neck pulling, and it hurts to touch my ear. The left side of my head is not happy! Coffee will help a lot.
Having multiple sclerosis is a balancing act. It’s not daily or hourly, but by the moment. I may be out of pain one minute and planning to pot those plants or sort through some books, and the next minute I am in spasm or in a mental fog and unable to get anything done. My plans evaporate like mist on warm day.
So far today, MS is winning. I sit here, hoping the guys will be home soon. My frustration builds. I remind myself of how fickle MS is, and how once I get coffee and food, my head will clear. I might not be at my best, but it will be good enough to get something done. It won’t be enough. It’s never enough. But it will be good enough, because I am still in the fight! I will not let MS triumph for long.
Each time MS lets down its guard, it’s like a curtain opening. I see myself peering through, looking for the light, ready to rise.
I hear a car door slam! It could be my guys! It is! Coffee! Food! I am rising up!